Be True

"True Self" a sense of self based on spontaneous authentic experience, and a feeling of being alive, having a "real self"

"False Self" a defensive facade — one which in extreme cases could leave its holders lacking spontaneity and feeling dead and empty, behind a mere appearance of being real.

Donald Winnicott*

You know that moment when you are standing in front of a room, a lover, in front of the mirror, oh hell standing on the subway platform (that simple) and you feel a full complete sense of your potential and your power? And then there other situations when its just not there? In the second scenario you can be filled with a whole host of feelings but you can’t seem to find that fullness. Well you are not alone.

You create a sense of who you are and who you will grow to be early on. By “who you will be” I don’t mean what your jobs or your what roles you will take  - but the actual character of the person you will become.  This is not set in stone but who you are to the world sets its course pretty early. There are a whole bunch of things that set you on your course and are at work to form your character and personality. It’s part nature, part nurture. Whatever the influences, there is that moment when you realize you have to own who you are in the world.

There are times when a false self may be necessary. A false self can be helpful when you are ready for a change and you haven’t met that part of your personality yet. So you fake it until you have moved fully into that part of the self that has been forever dormant. Fake it ‘til you make it!

A false self in its most maladaptive state is lonely and isolated and you will need a therapeutic intervention to become more whole. In most cases the false self is fluid and you can do some of the work with just the right mind-set. My new favorite example of this is the new NIKE campaign for women. (watch it here) It is the false self at the beginning of this campaign that gets on that bike, takes that yoga class, starts to run – the voices in her head are still there. You can listen to them – OR – you can just keep on keepin’ on girl and fake it ‘til you make it – your true self is at the finish line and you can do it!

See it, Move towards it, BeHER

Have a great week