What do you want? We hear this question all the time. It can be as simple as what do you want for dinner (which at times is not so simple) or it can be the big question, what do you want from this life?
Knowing what you want means you also know what you DON’T want. At some point you settle the conflict. “I want that pasta but that salad is better for me” Great, I will have the salad Then you don’t get the pasta. That is a simple version of answering this question. However, if you have ever waited tables you know that there are plenty of people for whom this simple “what’s for dinner conversation” can be very painful. For most people that particular dinner is not their last meal so it shouldn’t be so painful, Right? But this is not about dinner – this wanting is about what you want for your life and what feelings you may have to overcome to get there.
You want to be loved and understood. That is at the core of wanting. It is our most human condition. In order to get to these feeling states you have to create a world around you that is comprised of people and situations that will support those feelings. For this to happen you have to make life choices that will create this experience
I made that sound easy. Making life choices is full of complications. You want to be loved. You made choices to surround yourself with loving people. It is possible that in order for this to happen you also made the choice to let go of people that did not love you the way that you wanted to be loved. Maybe you were getting too much love, not enough love, or toxic love – still it was love – but you made a choice to let that relationship go and to find love that was a compliment to what you need to grow.
You want to be understood yet you stumble over the words necessary to get to that state of understanding. You look for the feeling words necessary that will transmit what you need from others and you cant find the words. The words are there they are just buried underneath some bullshit. Maybe a defense that you have created is keeping you from being understood and held (and by that I mean emotionally held) but the words are there. I’m sure at least one of you has had a moment when you were trying to explain yourself to say – your man – and things got wonky. You knew what you were trying to say yet you couldn’t find the words to get him to understand (this is in now way a male/female thing, this misunderstanding, but it does happen).
You and I have created all sorts of ways to get to these core feelings. Nice things, comfortable home, maybe you have the car you always wanted, you may have married the love of your life , or maybe you chose the right dish on the menu last night when you went out for dinner – all these things, all this stuff is gris for the mill in getting to the core of what we want.
There will be frustration, tears, and self-inspection. You have all the tools you need to get what you want. Unlock ‘em and let yourself free and see what happens.
Ask loudly and boldly for what you want – noodle around with the question of how to be better understood. Say it in different ways and see what happens. Get to the root and get yours.
Let me know