find your tribe and love 'em hard

I have seen that tagline quite a bit lately "find your tribe and love 'em hard" and it's true. Finding your people, the ones who get you and you connect with, is priceless. When we set out on our own (like the first time we are in the playground really) we seek out others to play with. We hope that we find others who can tolerate our playfulness and also all our other neurosis. Sounds simple and also human nature to connect with other like-minded people but really it's not so simple at all now is it. 

Groups can be the loneliest places. Being alone as one person can stir up a whole host of feelings, so when there are a bunch of people around there are feelings everywhere and it can be a challenge to navigate your role and to find your voice in the mix of it all.

Where do I fit in? Does she like me? Did I really just say that?  Some of these may be questions that ring true for you when you find yourself in a group. And since your first group is your family - often times in a group, we are recast in the role that we created for ourselves in our family. 

No longer in kindergarten but out in the world as an adult, we may still be reacting the same way we did on the playground.  The patterns of our friendships have been set and we often find ourselves responding to people and behaving as we did when we were kids, we just have better clothes on. Eventually we find that this is not attracting the kind of people we want to be around. When this happens we need to take a peek underneath the surface and see what's up and make a tweak here and there to change it. 

Taking an inventory of who your people are and how they make you feel is important. To be our best selves we need to feel supported, loved and understood. We expect this from our romantic partners and put lots of demands on them to do so, we should hold our friends to the same standards.

Sometimes When we take that inventory we find that many of our relationships are toxic and it may be a good time to get someone else involved in our psyche. If therapy is your choice keep in mind there may be a period of loneliness when things get going. I let people know after they have been in treatment with me for a while and they start to notice shifts in their friendships,  you start to shed the people in your life that no longer serve you in order to make room for the people in your life that you choose from a more clear, more conscious place. Hopefully the new choices that you make are helping your to create a supportive, loving group of people who only have your best interests at heart. 

Once you get started there is no turning back. Eventually you will look up and see that you are surrounded by amazing people and you will have the insight to see when some one gets through the gate that unfortunately does not get to stay. You will have developed a sense of yourself that will not tolerate any drama or toxic filled relationships. 

We've all been there - the not-so-nice best friend, the awful boyfriend, the horrible boss - whatever and where ever this has shown up in your life - it is up to you to take the steps to change it and to create a community better serves you and you can. Making changes will be uncomfortable for a while but when the change happens and you are on the other side, you will thank yourself for you hard work and for the tribe that you have around you. 

Now  get out there and hug your people and keep 'em close! 

xo